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A DESTINATION OF LESSONS + WANDERINGS + JOYS

Ilene Lamb

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butseriouslymarie

Here and now begins a whole new chapter in my life

Here and now begins a whole new chapter in my life... Alone. Is it scary? Yes. Do I feel like I'm in a whirlpool? Yes. I feel like the life's been sucked out of me. There is no floor to the hole I've fallen into and the pit of my stomach is in my throat. These physical manifestations of my stress and ❤️ ache are very real serious fissures in my being. There are swings of highs and lows. I find myself trying to talk myself into positivity and the next moment in complete devastation. My brain is struggling to be the person that can simply say, "We had a good run. I should be thankful for that." When my gut is wrenching and making me puke from the grief of a loss of 25 years. How long will I be without ground beneath my feet? My life is chaotically busy until the first of the month and something tells me the smart thing to do is to schedule in my grief at a more convenient time. I don't have the luxury of a meltdown right now. But I think I will have one. I just hope it happens at a more opportune time. I don't have time for the paralysis. Right now I have to hustle. I have to hustle like never before because there is nothing. For 25 years we've gathered more stuff than I care to recognize and now I must get rid of 75% of it because who knows what will be next. I cross my fingers that all my years of expertise and goodwill might carry me across this chasm, that my daughters will see the strength and not the weakness because being human is hard. I'll see the other side of this. I know I will but I'll have to be conscious of the perspective I take. I can see how this hurt can turn a person into something miserable and hard. It's not what I want. But I don't know what I do want firmly. The fog is thick. So for now, this may be the last of me here for a bit. Sharing isn't necessarily high on my list of priorities right now. So until a brighter, clearer time, goodbye social media.
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#divorce #heartache #grieving #nowwhat #alone #flyingsolo

NEW POST ALERT Check out my newest post on Cur8eu

NEW POST ALERT Check out my newest post on Cur8eur -- I am a Filipina-American -- I wrote it after I made my version of #arrozcaldo this morning knowing that my version was just that... Mine. It's variation doesn't make it any less Filipino. Adaptability and resourcefulness are strong Filipino characteristics which have been influencing its culinary history for hundreds of years. I'm continuing the tradition in using what I have to infuse the intended flavor profiles and throwing in the wingdinger ingredients for fun. "Authentic" need not apply. Calamansi • Malongaa • Chilis • Suka ( vinegar ) • Ginger
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#proudpinay #filipinaamerican #woc #filipinofoodlove #lugaw #suka #filipinoeats #pinoy

This today was what I was craving. . LAMB BURGER W

This today was what I was craving.
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LAMB BURGER WITH MINT FETA SAUCE • @belhavenbrews Scottish Ale on Nitro
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Where? @Shakespearepub on India Street, Mission Hills 👌 So bleeping good. I even had a very long convo with my waitress about my "accent" and speaking American 😂 I didn't think it was smart to debate with a Brit about my English language skills 😬 If she insists I don't speak English, I mean, who am I to argue. 😁
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#iatethewholething #lamb #burger #sandiego #britishpub #shetoldmeispeakamerican #brits #quarantine #eatingout

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